I feel extremely fortunate to live in a country that provides new mothers (and fathers) with the opportunity to take 12 months paid parental leave. When I try to imagine what it would have been like to return to full-time work mere weeks after giving birth, I shudder. Simply walking to the grocery store was an accomplishment.  Breastfeeding was still excruciatingly painful and difficult, we were *just* getting to know this new little person in our lives.

While sometimes there are days with a newborn, 3-month old, 6-month old, toddler that seem to drag on for hours (possibly because a certain someone likes to extend the fun into the night as well…ahem.), I felt the clock of my dwindling maternity leave ticking down as the weeks went by. It was going by so fast. Too fast.

Let me start by saying that I adore my job. I manage the clinical operations of a busy wildlife hospital and all of the incredibly challenging facets that come with it. Working with volunteers from all walks of life, attending international conferences, drafting, researching and implementing new protocols and techniques to improve care practices for some of our province’s most unique species. When I think of the types of animals that I have held in my own two hands (pelicans, murrelets, auklets, eagles, hummingbirds just to name a few), that most people only see in books, I feel so immensely priviledged. I relish in it. I thrive in an environment that marries using strong organizational skills with getting down and dirty (and boy do we get dirty). Flexibility and adaptability are a must.  My type-A-must-be-productive-each-day personality was fulfilled.

I had every intention of managing to balance being a commuting-biologist-wife-mother-super-person once the maternity leave timer went off.

It weighed heavy on my mind that I had to consider my own mental wellness when considering our options.  I need to be kept busy, feel productive, challenged, accomplishing goals (both professionally and personally) one after another to keep those brain synapses happy and content. Contributing to our household financially was important to me (we are big savers). Babies need happy mothers, and I knew mine would too.

Then came baby, who completely threw my world upside-down. As many of you know, I have not sugar-coated much when it comes to new motherhood & me. The cycles of sleep deprivation seem endless; just when I think we have made progress something throws us for a loop all over again (vaccinations, illness, travel, growing, life in general).  It is hard to believe there was once a time when I thought getting *only* 5 consecutive hours of sleep was inadequate; now I get excited over 3 (hello 9 month sleep regression)!

Motherhood is more challenging that I could ever imagine. The same skill set I used in my career became of paramount importance in parenting my ‘spirited’ baby: flexibility, adaptability, strong organizational aptitude, happy getting ‘down & dirty’ day after day, hour after hour {…after hour}. Eerily similar to working in clinic – we had to develop a constantly evolving protocol routine to keep us meeting her needs for sleep, nutrition, and all the fun in between.

So while motherhood is perhaps the ultimate challenge, it fulfills me more than I could have imagined. We analyzed our financial situation (my spreadsheet system over the years comes in very handy!), removing my income, albeit quite modest, would make things pretty tight. But add in the cost of daycare (holy crap.), rising gas costs for my commute, and the limited number of hours in a day to actually generate income between daycare drop-off and pick-up times made no financial sense.  The position as I left it would simply not fit into this new life. And working for a non-profit meant there were unfortunately no other opportunities available that would.

The decision seemed to make itself, but I still wanted it to be mine. I don’t want to frame this choice for my daughter as if the *only* reason I would choose to stay home is financial & logisitical.  As a family, we decided that if there were any way possible whatsoever, we want to be the primary caregivers for our growing family as much as possible. I want to be there for her moments & milestones, teaching her about the world.  It isn’t possible for many families and I honestly didn’t think it would be possible for us. We spent many hours crunching the numbers and looking at (more) ways to stretch the almighty dollar while still keeping the things in our life we value.

We can do it.

I know we can.

So I’ve been recruited for a new career, this time locally. One with an extremely demanding boss, unrelenting hours and poor pay.

But I think I’ll take it.