Project 48 is part of an online project to take one photo a week for one year to document our lives. I was 4 weeks late :)

SIXTEEN: Things I miss about the first 6 months

It’s difficult sorting through just how it is possible that you are 7 months old already. On one hand, it feels like this has gone by in the blink of an eye. On the other hand, it feels like a lifetime ago that you were but a blip on the ultrasound screen, a little pink plus sign. I want to eat up every moment, savour it, remember it, document it.  Even when there are moments that I wish would pass us by (endless nightwakings), those wiser and more experienced than me have said that there will come a time when I will miss those moments in the middle of the night when the world revolves around just us.

There are a few things I miss already, that I want to remember even when you are grown.

  • When you were so very small, that the best “soother” you could find was your Dad’s pinky finger – a perfect fit for your tiny little mouth (before I was confident enough that we had breastfeeding under control to buy the real deal).
  • That first smile, that just gets bigger (and gummier!) every day.
  • Those first few weeks when you fit into preemie sleepers, and we looked at the 6 month sizes thinking there was no way you would EVER be this big.
  • The first car ride where I wasn’t in the back seat with you. I was terrified. We both survived. We went to Wal Mart. We didn’t buy anything, just went for the sake of going.
  • Visits with our midwife Lydia: her gentle reassurance that I was doing ok, tears were normal, us both amazed at how strong you were right from birth. (You held your head up within hours!) There are not enough words to describe how valuable her advice was to me in those early weeks where the darkness seemed so overwhelming.
  • Breastmilk poops – nope, actually I don’t miss those. They were *impossible* to contain. Solids make things much more manageable!
  • The ease of just nursing. I laugh when I type this, because nursing you was never, and is not easy. I marvel watching babies who nurse peacefully, restfully, in stillness. You, on the other hand, are the distractable acrobat. Nursing you is an exersize in focus, self control, and sheer willpower. But life was simpler knowing that all you needed for breakfast, lunch and dinner was just milk.
  • Your first drink from a cup. You were so proud and satisfied that it finally had liquid in it.
  • When rocking you to sleep actually worked.
  • When swaddling you to sleep actually worked.
  • When hugging you to sleep actually worked.
  • When you were so small it was as if you were made from a piece of my heart.
  • Those wee hours in the morning you were born, when we hadn’t told a soul that you had arrived, it was just the three of us. Staring at each other.

Love you bumpkin.